Memorable moments in parenting

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My four year old son recited his list as he "wrote" to Santa. The heavy scribbling is where he was explaining how much he wants a Nintendo DSi.

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We bought the fixings for a hearty Christmas breakfast. My son asked about a carton in the refrigerator. "Do you want some orange juice?" I asked. "Yes. I am sick. I need to get my germs wet."

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My wife and I were sitting in the lounge last night when our daughter got up and wandered into the adjoining kitchen. She opened a small cupboard, then looked in a plastic bag. When we asked what she was doing she said she was looking for her brother. That's when we realised she was sleep walking and I carried her back to bed.

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My daughter is in bed, sick. My son, apparently jealous of the extra attention his big sister is getting, said "I am sick too, look" then stuck out his tongue and made retching noises. He wasn't pleased by our amusement.

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My four-year-old told us he couldn't find his dog. My wife held up his Pillow Pet,

but he said "No, my legular [sic] dog. He's missing"

We reminded him that we don't have a regular dog. "He's in a cage. He's waiting for me. He's sad." he said with a pout. I was briefly taken aback by the multiple layers of guilt he had woven together, but then my wife turned on the Wii. Distraction accomplished.

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So after disappointing my son by not finding the dog we don't own, I offended my daughter by laughing out loud at something she said.

She likes to hear stories about my childhood, so today, with the help of Google Maps, I found the elementary school in Michigan where I went to kindergarten and part of first grade. I showed her the path I took to school and the house we lived in and where I crashed my bike. When I told her that the subdivision behind the house used to be a farm, she was incredulous.

"What, a farm? You didn't tell me you lived there in the olden days!"

I laughed so hard that she cried. Now I have to smooth her ruffled feathers.

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Quote: Originally Posted by capitalj I offended my daughter by laughing out loud at something she said... Now I have to smooth her ruffled feathers.

Man I'm always doing that with my nearly six year old daughter. I don't know if explaining that I found her trivial grievance amusing would help my case either . I know it's not trivial to her but sometimes you can't help but laugh and you know the rest .

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We took the kids over to Adelaide for the week. While we were sitting outside the museum having some lunch the kids were playing this "I love you as far as..." game where you pick some distance to quantify your love for someone. They got it from a kids book "I love you this much". Anyway my daughter was teasing my wife saying she loved her all the way to a window she was sitting right next to (ie. not much). To make my wife feel better my son said "Well when we're back home the window will be far away."

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A group of neighborhood children circled a mud puddle, tossing rocks and trying to make the biggest splash. I told them to stand together on one side or they'd all end up filthy. Everybody but my daughter moved; she is in the shower, her clothes are in the laundry.

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Many years ago on vacation at a cottage we bought a then young son a rain slicker, rain hat and mid-calf boots so he could go out in the rain without getting too soaked. To test it he ran out (in the rain of course) and stood under a teeming downspout for filling a washtub (for washing sand off feet on return from the beach). Satisfied with that, he went roaring off in search of a mud puddle. When he returned his clothing was soaked to the neck. He'd been jumping in the puddle to splash it. Didn't seem to notice that raincoats only work for downward moving water; not for up. That kid has a PhD in cell biology now, but at the time.......

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Hungry for a snack, my seven year old daughter asked if she could get herself a spoonful of soy butter (peanut allergy). I didn't want to deal with the mess she usually makes, so I told her I'd get it for her. She angrily yelled "Sudo let me do it myself!" and I had to literally bite my tongue to maintain a straight face.

Edited to add: Apparently she was paying attention when I explained this to her teenage cousin last month.

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My four year old son got hold of my Kindle and managed to buy a book. I just wrote an embarrassing email to Amazon asking for a refund.

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My son's only recently taken to toileting and in an effort to make it more fun we put a few squares of toilet paper in for target practice (they're sharks apparently). The other day after number ones we thought he forgot to flush. When we reminded him he said no he wanted to leave them so he could come back later and throw some hot brown rocks at them.

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Ba ha ha ha ha!

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My son has really taken to heart this "Don't Palm Us Off" campaign they're running at the zoo to raise awareness of palm oil plantations encroaching on Orangutan habitat. At the supermarket the other day my daughter tried to put a box of savoury biscuits in the trolley and my son recognised them from one of the posters. He insisted on taking them out of the trolley screaming that his sister was killing the Orangutans .

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My son also asked me recently if I could take him to the doctor so he can do something to stop him growing. After some discussion I found out he was worried about growing old and dying. He really thinks too much.

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A friend and her sister took her seven year old nephew to a Chinese restaurant. While they were sitting waiting for their food he was staring at the take away counter with a puzzled look on his face, watching as waitresses came in and out of the kitchen with peoples' orders. When they asked him what was wrong he said he was trying to work out why the lady at the counter kept going in the kitchen and changing her outfit.

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As I tucked my daughter into bed, she excitedly announced that she had learned a new word from a boy at school. "It's another word for bum... Ash." It turns out that the boy at school has a speech impediment. I explained that ash is what is left after something burns, and that there are certain "grownup" words, like the real other word for bum, that she is not allowed to use. Her eyes went from shining with pride to welling up in fear. "It's not my fault, I didn't know!" I reassured her that I wasn't upset and that she hadn't done anything wrong. It was a disappointing teaching moment because she felt ashamed.

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My children were in our yard, playing ball (a game of their own creation, with ever-changing rules) with some friends from the neighborhood. The ball belonged to my four-year-old, who was trying to play along, but the older kids tend to ignore him in the heat of the game. He became frustrated and asked for his ball back. Repeatedly. But he was ignored and nearly in tears. So my seven-year-old daughter, a good six inches shorter and 25 pounds lighter than the boy currently holding the ball, demanded that he return the it to her little brother. She was also ignored... until she punched the boy in the stomach and took the ball back. The boy angrily marched home, red faced and trying not to cry.

I told my daughter that, while I was proud of her for sticking up for her brother, I was disappointed in her for hitting, which is not allowed. I asked why she hadn't come for an adult (several of us were in the front yard while the children were in the back) and she said she did tell them she was gong to get an adult, but the other kids said they didn't have to give the ball back and their parents wouldn't make them, and that made her angry.

I made her apololgize, but I didn't punish her.

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I drove my wife to an appointment with my four year old son in the back. We were looking for an address in Keilor Rd when my son got upset in the back. He said now we won't have a son any more. We asked him what he meant and he said he was scared because we were going on Killer Rd.

We recently went away for my son's birthday down the coast here past Apollo Bay. On his birthday we gave him the choice between going to see the 12 Apostles (a natural rock formation along a stretch of coast) or going to see some rubber dinosaurs and going on a tree-top walk on this elevated walkway. He said he wanted to see the 12 a-fossils.