Memorable moments in parenting - Page 10

capitalj · 03-11-2011, 02:44 PM

There is a notoriously unpleasant woman in our neighborhood. Her monumentally teased hair, densely applied makeup, and revealing wardrobe are straight out of the eighties, although I'm pretty sure that look was too young for her even then. She is foul-mouthed and confrontational; everybody avoids her entire family.

She was registering her youngest child (whom I had mistaken for her grandchild) for kindergarten when I picked up my five-year-old son from school. As I realized with dread that she would be at the bus stop in front of my house twice a day for the next several years, my son walked up to her. He has never commented on anybody's appearance, but she is a nicotine fueled train wreck patched together with foundation and hairspray; he is a guileless child. I sensed impending doom.

As he approached her, it was my futile hope that he would simply say hello. "I see your hair is sticking up." She smiled at him. I couldn't breathe. "I don't like it." he added. I practically dislocated his shoulder yanking him out the door.

Bensonet · 03-17-2011, 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fazstp


	My two year old had a cookie as a treat in a small plastic bowl. He tipped the cookie on the floor and threw the bowl down, then lay on top of it with his stomach in the bowl before declaring "I'm a cookie!"

funny one!

fazstp · 03-17-2011, 09:03 PM

My son (now four going on five) said something nasty to me when I told him he couldn't do something and I challenged him in mock annoyance (I wasn't that offended I just wanted to challenge the behaviour). He slapped his forehead in mock confusion and said "Oh silly me I said 'You're stupid' when I meant to say 'I love you'."

I think I have raised a smart arse.

capitalj · 03-17-2011, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fazstp


	"Oh silly me I said 'You're stupid' when I meant to say 'I love you'."

Freakin' hilarious

renaultssoftware · 03-17-2011, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capitalj


	Freakin' hilarious

I feel fingers pointing at me…

capitalj · 04-12-2011, 06:47 PM

My son was at the table, eating a snack. He blew a kiss. I smiled. He said, "Daddy, get out of the way, that was for Mama at work. Now I have to start over."

edalzell · 04-12-2011, 06:51 PM

My 5 year old daughter just recently became fascinated with the Solar System and the universe and after explaining some things to her, she wanted to know how the Milk Wave was formed....once I stopped laughing I tried to explain it!

capitalj · 04-21-2011, 08:17 PM

My son's kindergarten teacher assigned a journal to be kept during April vacation. My mother dropped by this afternoon. My son's journal entry began "I played with Grams today. She is old and fat." My wife made him erase it and start over.

capitalj · 04-23-2011, 10:30 PM

My daughter left a thank you note for the Easter Bunny in her basket before going to bed tonight.

renaultssoftware · 04-24-2011, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capitalj


	My daughter left a thank you note for the Easter Bunny in her basket before going to bed tonight.

Thumbs up to properly educating your children!

capitalj · 05-12-2011, 05:17 PM

I was sitting diagonally across from my daughter when she asked for help with her math homework, so I was writing almost upside down as I quickly explained how to approach the problem. It was a little messy, but legible, and all was going well until the number eight, which ended up sideways. My son, who was watching, said "Daddy, you made boobies!" The kids laughed so long and hard that the homework session had to be delayed.

capitalj · 05-23-2011, 02:03 PM

My almost six year old son tried to tell a joke:

"What did the hamburgers name their daughter?"
"I don't know, what did the hamburgers name their daughter?"
"Um, I mean… Knock knock…"
"Who's there?"
"Um, Daddy, what is the list of jokes?"
"What? All of them?"
"Yes"

I don't see a future in stand-up. And I still don't know what the hamburgers named their daughter.

dzurn · 05-23-2011, 02:11 PM

Why, Patty, of course!

capitalj · 05-23-2011, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dzurn


	Why, Patty, of course!

D'oh! I can't believe I forgot that.

fazstp · 05-24-2011, 12:41 AM

I asked my son (now five) what his toy was doing in the middle of the kitchen floor. In a bit of self-censoring he replied "I don't bleep know."

capitalj · 05-24-2011, 11:14 AM

My wife was talking to my daughter, and ended her sentence with the word "period" for emphasis. My son overheard, then walked into the room and said, "You don't say period, you just stop talking. When you close your mouth, everybody knows you're done."

capitalj · 06-11-2011, 03:10 PM

My son, who just turned six, accidentally called a visitor by the wrong name. She said, "That's not me, she weighs fifty pounds less than I do." My son laughed and said, "I know!"

capitalj · 06-22-2011, 08:16 AM

At the grocery store, my now six-year-old son was told that we would only buy items on the shopping list, which he likes to hold. So he asked a nearby shopper if he could borrow a pencil, then asked how to spell "marshmallows".

renaultssoftware · 06-23-2011, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fazstp


	I asked my son (now five) what his toy was doing in the middle of the kitchen floor. In a bit of self-censoring he replied "I don't bleep know."

I do that myself. I just say "Oh, violent expletive! Onslaught of invectives!"

capitalj · 06-23-2011, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by renaultssoftware


	"Oh, violent expletive! Onslaught of invectives!"

Colorfully clean - I'm going to borrow that.

03-17-2011, 09:03 PM	#183
fazstp MVP Join Date: May 2004 Location: Melbourne, AUS Posts: 1,576	My son (now four going on five) said something nasty to me when I told him he couldn't do something and I challenged him in mock annoyance (I wasn't that offended I just wanted to challenge the behaviour). He slapped his forehead in mock confusion and said "Oh silly me I said 'You're stupid' when I meant to say 'I love you'." I think I have raised a smart arse. __________________ Inspire you of think the elephant dint Inspire you of think the elephant dint

05-23-2011, 02:11 PM	#193
dzurn Triple-A Player Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Western Wisconsin, 3rd Rock Posts: 139	Why, Patty, of course! __________________ :: I yam Popeye of Borg. :: :: Prepares ta be akskimilgrated. ::

05-24-2011, 12:41 AM	#195
fazstp MVP Join Date: May 2004 Location: Melbourne, AUS Posts: 1,576	I asked my son (now five) what his toy was doing in the middle of the kitchen floor. In a bit of self-censoring he replied "I don't bleep know." __________________ Inspire you of think the elephant dint Inspire you of think the elephant dint

03-11-2011, 02:44 PM	#181
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	There is a notoriously unpleasant woman in our neighborhood. Her monumentally teased hair, densely applied makeup, and revealing wardrobe are straight out of the eighties, although I'm pretty sure that look was too young for her even then. She is foul-mouthed and confrontational; everybody avoids her entire family. She was registering her youngest child (whom I had mistaken for her grandchild) for kindergarten when I picked up my five-year-old son from school. As I realized with dread that she would be at the bus stop in front of my house twice a day for the next several years, my son walked up to her. He has never commented on anybody's appearance, but she is a nicotine fueled train wreck patched together with foundation and hairspray; he is a guileless child. I sensed impending doom. As he approached her, it was my futile hope that he would simply say hello. "I see your hair is sticking up." She smiled at him. I couldn't breathe. "I don't like it." he added. I practically dislocated his shoulder yanking him out the door.

04-12-2011, 06:47 PM	#186
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	My son was at the table, eating a snack. He blew a kiss. I smiled. He said, "Daddy, get out of the way, that was for Mama at work. Now I have to start over."

04-12-2011, 06:51 PM	#187
edalzell MVP Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Vancouver Posts: 1,390	My 5 year old daughter just recently became fascinated with the Solar System and the universe and after explaining some things to her, she wanted to know how the Milk Wave was formed....once I stopped laughing I tried to explain it!

04-21-2011, 08:17 PM	#188
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	My son's kindergarten teacher assigned a journal to be kept during April vacation. My mother dropped by this afternoon. My son's journal entry began "I played with Grams today. She is old and fat." My wife made him erase it and start over.

04-23-2011, 10:30 PM	#189
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	My daughter left a thank you note for the Easter Bunny in her basket before going to bed tonight.

05-12-2011, 05:17 PM	#191
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	I was sitting diagonally across from my daughter when she asked for help with her math homework, so I was writing almost upside down as I quickly explained how to approach the problem. It was a little messy, but legible, and all was going well until the number eight, which ended up sideways. My son, who was watching, said "Daddy, you made boobies!" The kids laughed so long and hard that the homework session had to be delayed.

05-23-2011, 02:03 PM	#192
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	My almost six year old son tried to tell a joke: "What did the hamburgers name their daughter?" "I don't know, what did the hamburgers name their daughter?" "Um, I mean… Knock knock…" "Who's there?" "Um, Daddy, what is the list of jokes?" "What? All of them?" "Yes" I don't see a future in stand-up. And I still don't know what the hamburgers named their daughter.

05-24-2011, 11:14 AM	#196
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	My wife was talking to my daughter, and ended her sentence with the word "period" for emphasis. My son overheard, then walked into the room and said, "You don't say period, you just stop talking. When you close your mouth, everybody knows you're done."

06-11-2011, 03:10 PM	#197
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	My son, who just turned six, accidentally called a visitor by the wrong name. She said, "That's not me, she weighs fifty pounds less than I do." My son laughed and said, "I know!"

06-22-2011, 08:16 AM	#198
capitalj All Star Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Plymouth, Massachusetts Posts: 659	At the grocery store, my now six-year-old son was told that we would only buy items on the shopping list, which he likes to hold. So he asked a nearby shopper if he could borrow a pencil, then asked how to spell "marshmallows".