Post your fav Joke - Page 13

ArcticStones · 03-28-2007, 02:10 AM

.
Fascinating posts, Specter!

specter · 03-28-2007, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArcticStones


	. Fascinating posts, Specter!

Thanks!
Unfortunately it was not me who invented this - I just found this on a site.
I wouldn't have the wits for such an "introspection"

ArcticStones · 03-28-2007, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specter


	Thanks! Unfortunately it was not me who invented this - I just found this on a site. I wouldn't have the wits for such an "introspection"

I’ve seen some of it before, but not quite as complete and enjoyable.

specter · 03-29-2007, 08:39 AM

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

That's not right-----------------------------Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?-------------Hu Yu Hai Ding
Stupid Man----------------------------------Dum ***
See me ASAP-------------------------------Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse---------------------------------Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?------------------Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table--------------Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift----------------Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here----------------------Wao So Dim
I thought you were on a diet--------------Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone--------------------No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week -----Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight-------------------------Lei Ying Lo
He"s cleaning his automobile--------------Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive---------------Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great----------------------------------------Fa Kin Su Pah

privateer - 1 · 03-30-2007, 08:23 AM

Specter rocks

Thanks, that was interesting!

stewiesno1 · 04-24-2007, 01:57 AM

another blonde joke - but a good one

A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and 'dumb blonde' jokes, when a well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:
"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, you jerk!
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?"

It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your Neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."
You are a pathetic, misogynistic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens.
You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee."
Stewie

Spongy · 07-13-2007, 12:29 PM

David Beckham goes into Millets and has a look around. The Shop assistant goes up to him and says 'can I help you David?'. David points to a shelf and says 'what's this?'. The shop assistant turns around to him and says 'it's a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'. 'WOW' says David, 'I'll take one!'

Next week at Football training, Ashley Cole goes up to David and says 'wow David, what have you got there?' and David turns round to him and says, 'its a thermos Ashley, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'. 'Amazing', says Ashley, 'what you got in it?'.

David turns round and says, 'Two cups of Coffee and a Choc Ice'.

osxpounder · 07-13-2007, 01:06 PM

Little Britain is hilarious, dude.

My fave joke of the moment:

A priest, a duck, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi looks at the other two and says, "Vat is dis, a joke?"

seeker777 · 07-14-2007, 08:10 AM

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

johngpt · 07-14-2007, 12:46 PM

What do you call an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Photek · 07-14-2007, 04:18 PM

MY POST LIVES!

Spongy.... thats joke is still making me laugh a day later..... did you see my David Beckham joke earlier in the thread?

ArcticStones · 08-04-2007, 02:52 AM

.
Memorable lines from "Pirates of Silicon Valley":

Mike Markkula: Steve Wozniak's employee number one, you're number two.
Steve Jobs: Wait a minute. I'm employee number one. Woz?
Steve Wozniak: Doesn't matter to me.
Steve Jobs: I'm employee number one around here.
Mike Markkula: I'm not saying anything. I wasn't implying anything.
Steve Jobs: All right, then I'll be zero. Woz you can be number one. I'll be zero. Okay?
.

ArcticStones · 08-04-2007, 02:58 AM

.
"Pirates of Silicon Valley" II:

Steve Jobs: "I don't want you to think of this as just a film - some process of converting electrons and magnetic impulses into shapes and figures and sounds - no. Listen to me. We're here to make a dent in the universe. Otherwise, why even be here? We're creating a completely new consciousness, like an artist or a poet. We're rewriting the history of human thought with what we're doing. That's how you have to think of this."

Ridley Scott: "Well, Steven, right now I'm a touch more worried about getting light on the actress, do you know what I mean?"
.

Photek · 08-09-2007, 12:04 PM

An Scotsman, Irishman, Welshman and Englishman are being given their final request by the deathsquad...

When asked what his final request is, the Scotsman replies... 'I want to hear 21 pipers play Bonny Prince Charlie on the bag pipes'

When asked what his final request is, the Welshman replies... 'I want to hear the Welsh national anthem'

When asked what his final request is, the Irishman replies... 'I want to 50 Irish dancers do a traditional Irish dance'

When asked what his final request is, the Englishman replies... 'please... kill me first'

specter · 08-10-2007, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Photek


	An Scotsman, Irishman, Welshman and Englishman are being given their final request by the deathsquad... When asked what his final request is, the Scotsman replies... 'I want to hear 21 pipers play Bonny Prince Charlie on the bag pipes' When asked what his final request is, the Welshman replies... 'I want to hear the Welsh national anthem' When asked what his final request is, the Irishman replies... 'I want to 50 Irish dancers do a traditional Irish dance' When asked what his final request is, the Englishman replies... 'please... kill me first'

That's funny! I like this type of jokes!))

daliscar55 · 08-10-2007, 09:27 AM

what do you call a pig with 4 eyes?

a piiiig

aehurst · 08-12-2007, 06:04 PM

Bubba went to a psychiatrist

I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's
somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.

Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink.
Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able
to get rid of those fears.

How much do you charge?

Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.
I'll sleep on it, said Bubba.

Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. Why
didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were
having? asked the psychiatrist.

Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year
is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!

Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?

He told me to cut the legs off the bed! -
Ain't nobody under there now !!!

ArcticStones · 09-17-2007, 07:15 AM

.
At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, "No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba!"

The African surgeon is saying, "No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm!"

They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. "Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is "Womb."

After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says, "I bet he's never even seen a hippopotamus let alone heard one fart under water!"

ArcticStones · 09-17-2007, 07:18 AM

.
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

A: Polaroids.

ArcticStones · 09-17-2007, 07:20 AM

.
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression... In America they call it "golf".

03-28-2007, 02:10 AM	#241
ArcticStones Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Norway Posts: 3,152	. Fascinating posts, Specter! __________________ . "You say this gadget of yours is for ordinary people. What on earth would ordinary people want with computers?" HP executive to Steve Wozniak

07-13-2007, 12:29 PM	#247
Spongy Triple-A Player Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: London, UK Posts: 152	David Beckham goes into Millets and has a look around. The Shop assistant goes up to him and says 'can I help you David?'. David points to a shelf and says 'what's this?'. The shop assistant turns around to him and says 'it's a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'. 'WOW' says David, 'I'll take one!' Next week at Football training, Ashley Cole goes up to David and says 'wow David, what have you got there?' and David turns round to him and says, 'its a thermos Ashley, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'. 'Amazing', says Ashley, 'what you got in it?'. David turns round and says, 'Two cups of Coffee and a Choc Ice'. __________________ Apple Mac Support for London & the South-East! Mac Parts & Apple Mac Peripherals

07-14-2007, 08:10 AM	#249
seeker777 Triple-A Player Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Royal Oak, MI U.S.A. Posts: 201	Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change. Last edited by seeker777; 07-14-2007 at 08:13 AM.

07-14-2007, 12:46 PM	#250
johngpt MVP Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Albuquerque, NM Posts: 1,093	What do you call an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic? Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. __________________ John My Flickr

07-14-2007, 04:18 PM	#251
Photek Hall of Famer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Warwick, UK Posts: 4,835	MY POST LIVES! Spongy.... thats joke is still making me laugh a day later..... did you see my David Beckham joke earlier in the thread? Last edited by Photek; 07-14-2007 at 04:21 PM.

03-29-2007, 08:39 AM	#244
specter All Star Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 578	Learn Chinese in 5 minutes That's not right-----------------------------Sum Ting Wong Are you harboring a fugitive?-------------Hu Yu Hai Ding Stupid Man----------------------------------Dum *** See me ASAP-------------------------------Kum Hia Nao Small Horse---------------------------------Tai Ni Po Ni Did you go to the beach?------------------Wai Yu So Tan I bumped into a coffee table--------------Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni I think you need a face lift----------------Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here----------------------Wao So Dim I thought you were on a diet--------------Wai Yu Mun Ching This is a tow away zone--------------------No Pah King Our meeting is scheduled for next week -----Wai Yu Kum Nao? Staying out of sight-------------------------Lei Ying Lo He"s cleaning his automobile--------------Wa Shing Ka Your body odor is offensive---------------Yu Stin Ki Pu Great----------------------------------------Fa Kin Su Pah

03-30-2007, 08:23 AM	#245
privateer - 1 Triple-A Player Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 53	Specter rocks Thanks, that was interesting!

04-24-2007, 01:57 AM	#246
stewiesno1 Major Leaguer Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Sydney , Australia Posts: 419	another blonde joke - but a good one A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and 'dumb blonde' jokes, when a well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts: "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, you jerk! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?" It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your Neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs." You are a pathetic, misogynistic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells: "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee." Stewie

07-13-2007, 01:06 PM	#248
osxpounder Major Leaguer Join Date: May 2002 Location: atl, ga, usa Posts: 356	Little Britain is hilarious, dude. My fave joke of the moment: A priest, a duck, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi looks at the other two and says, "Vat is dis, a joke?"

08-04-2007, 02:52 AM	#252
ArcticStones Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Norway Posts: 3,152	. Memorable lines from "Pirates of Silicon Valley": Mike Markkula: Steve Wozniak's employee number one, you're number two. Steve Jobs: Wait a minute. I'm employee number one. Woz? Steve Wozniak: Doesn't matter to me. Steve Jobs: I'm employee number one around here. Mike Markkula: I'm not saying anything. I wasn't implying anything. Steve Jobs: All right, then I'll be zero. Woz you can be number one. I'll be zero. Okay? . __________________ . "You say this gadget of yours is for ordinary people. What on earth would ordinary people want with computers?" HP executive to Steve Wozniak

08-04-2007, 02:58 AM	#253
ArcticStones Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Norway Posts: 3,152	. "Pirates of Silicon Valley" II: Steve Jobs: "I don't want you to think of this as just a film - some process of converting electrons and magnetic impulses into shapes and figures and sounds - no. Listen to me. We're here to make a dent in the universe. Otherwise, why even be here? We're creating a completely new consciousness, like an artist or a poet. We're rewriting the history of human thought with what we're doing. That's how you have to think of this." Ridley Scott: "Well, Steven, right now I'm a touch more worried about getting light on the actress, do you know what I mean?" . __________________ . "You say this gadget of yours is for ordinary people. What on earth would ordinary people want with computers?" HP executive to Steve Wozniak

08-09-2007, 12:04 PM	#254
Photek Hall of Famer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Warwick, UK Posts: 4,835	An Scotsman, Irishman, Welshman and Englishman are being given their final request by the deathsquad... When asked what his final request is, the Scotsman replies... 'I want to hear 21 pipers play Bonny Prince Charlie on the bag pipes' When asked what his final request is, the Welshman replies... 'I want to hear the Welsh national anthem' When asked what his final request is, the Irishman replies... 'I want to 50 Irish dancers do a traditional Irish dance' When asked what his final request is, the Englishman replies... 'please... kill me first'

08-10-2007, 09:27 AM	#256
daliscar55 Triple-A Player Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 201	what do you call a pig with 4 eyes? a piiiig

08-12-2007, 06:04 PM	#257
aehurst MVP Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Sherwood, Arkansas, USA Posts: 1,320	Bubba went to a psychiatrist I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy. Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears. How much do you charge? Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor. I'll sleep on it, said Bubba. Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having? asked the psychiatrist. Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup! Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you? He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now !!!

09-17-2007, 07:15 AM	#258
ArcticStones Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Norway Posts: 3,152	A question of terminology . At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, "No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba!" The African surgeon is saying, "No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm!" They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. "Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is "Womb." After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says, "I bet he's never even seen a hippopotamus let alone heard one fart under water!" __________________ . "You say this gadget of yours is for ordinary people. What on earth would ordinary people want with computers?" HP executive to Steve Wozniak

09-17-2007, 07:18 AM	#259
ArcticStones Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Norway Posts: 3,152	. Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids. __________________ . "You say this gadget of yours is for ordinary people. What on earth would ordinary people want with computers?" HP executive to Steve Wozniak

09-17-2007, 07:20 AM	#260
ArcticStones Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Norway Posts: 3,152	Primitive self-expression . In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression... In America they call it "golf". __________________ . "You say this gadget of yours is for ordinary people. What on earth would ordinary people want with computers?" HP executive to Steve Wozniak