Chuck Norris...
 

Even though everyone will prolly copy and paste from that chuck norris fact website, I thought itd be fun to make a list of chuck norris facts since they make me laugh.... i'll start

# When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

# Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

# Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

# There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

# When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

# Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

# A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

# When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

# Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

# How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

# Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

http://www.google.com/search?q=chuck%20norris%20facts

thread over

edit: I think the Wikipedia entry about this is wrong. Pretty sure this started on the Something Awful forums before Conan O'Brien started doing the bit.

# Chuck Norris isn't afraid of darkness. The darkness is afraid of him.
# When Chuck Norris does a push up, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

Party Pooper :p

If you people really want to have fun, you should consider making some Mikey-San facts instead :D.

Apple pay mikey 99 cents to listen to a song...

Mikey-San doesn't actually test or research the help he provides, he just writes down a random thought and Apple pushes an update which conforms to the advice.

# Mikey-San doesn't consider Apple's neglect of OS X's "root privilege escalation" vulnerabilites to be a big deal because they don't affect him - he always runs as root. Hell, Mikey-San is "root".

But then you might expect that a "Mikey-San privilege escalation" exploit would be a cause for concern, but he isn't worried about those either because he's the only one that can pull one off.

# People shouldn't complain about Leopard only allowing Spotlight search results to be sorted by "Name", "Kind" and "Last Opened". Even those choices were left as a courtesy to the rest of us - if we were more like Mikey-San, we would already know where our files are.

# The new Apple keyboard's low profile isn't an original design. Apple just copied the keyboard they saw Mikey-San using, not realizing that it was a regular Mac keyboard that had been flattened by the crushing force of coding by Mikey-San.

# Remember those exploding laptop batteries? Too much charge held in the batteries for too long. It was Apple's miscalculation that they spec'd it based on usage by Mikey-San.

# The Apple menu used to be coloured like a rainbow. Lately, it's just been black and blue. Reason: Mikey-San.

(same reason why instead of 'tcsh', we now use 'bash')

# When Mikey-San's Mac has a kernel panic, it doesn't just panic. It actually soils itself. In four languages.

# Steve Jobs' "reality distortion field" is actually a figment of Mikey-San's imagination.

# The reason the "hot point" of OS X's mouse pointer isn't at the tip of the arrow is because after a day's use by Mikey-San, the point would have been worn off anyway.

# OS X security is a myth. The only reason viruses don't infect Macs is because they know that that's what Mikey-San uses and they are afraid.

# When Mikey-San repairs permissions, the problem goes away - even if it had nothing to do with permissions.

rotflol :D :D :D

Mikey-San will likely kill me through the internet when he finds out...

# In Space, no-one can hear you scream ... when Chuck Norris screams in Space a black hole is formed.

When Bill Gates goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Mickey-San

# Mikey-San can install QuickTime updates without re-booting. But don't let that confuse you - when Mikey-San says he has an "uptime" of 2,717 days, that has nothing to do with the output of the command in '/usr/bin/'.

I can neither confirm nor deny the veracity of these actualities.

what have i started here

lord knows...

Mikey's tears can cure vista of all its problems, too bad he never cries

Who would win between Chuck vs Mikey?

id like to throw in duke-nukem to that contest

Itd go something like this

Duke- Im all out of gum
Mikey- heres some gum

*they all look at each other, with understanding of each others existance, and realize they are all necessary for the worlds survival*

They then proceed to get wasted at some strip club..

.
Call me a party crasher if you will, but I find this in bad taste.
Thread closed.

-- ArcticStones

.
In deference to well-argued PMs, I am reopening the thread. :)

-- ArcticStones

Wooot

Thanks to everyone who did that, it wasnt me, cuz i couldnt really be bothered lol

Interesting, I've never seen a thread re-opened before. I almost don't know what to do with it... I guess this is the "benevolent" part of the dictatorship, eh? :D.

#Mikey-San doesn't unzip files like the rest of us, instead he stares at the package and it explodes. And all the pieces just fall into place.

I feel the same....

Maybe it was mikey who wrote the email. :rolleyes:

Mikey doesn't write e-mail. The bits just form out of fear.
Of course, this is a simplification of what really happens. In actuality the laws of physics and space / time are warped by Mikey's presence, such that his will is realized.

Good to see this thread back. I thought it was hilarious.

Mikey-San never gets a 404 - Page not found error. He knows where everything on the Internet is.

In fact, Google only has one real employee: Mikey-San. Everyone else is just there to stare at his awesomeness. That is why Google is such a good company to work for.

Mikey doesnt use usb drives, he puts his finger on his mac and the data is already there

# Mikey-San doesn't have to boot into "single-user" mode to unset the 'schg' flag.

Edit: Oops sorry, false alarm - in Leopard, any admin can use 'sudo' to do that so Mikey-San powers are not required. But whereas any garden variety admin can use 'sudo sysctl -w kern.securelevel=1' to tighten things up, Mikey-san has implemented the custom 'm-schg' flag of his own design which can only be unset by popping the cover of the hard drive and flipping the bit manually with a toothpick.

and so it continues

#Mikey-San only has one item on his dock and it's titled "What I'm thinking right now".

# It may surprise you to learn that Mikey-San doesn't even know what a "mouse click" is. But I wouldn't make fun of him if I were you -- Mikey-San doesn't know what a "mouse click" is only because his mouse never runs out of bullets.

LOL!

I really want someone to stumble on this thread and wonder who the heck this Mikey-San guy is anyway.

# If mikey san doesnt like you, he blue screen's your ass

Oh, come on. Even Mikey wouldn't go so low as to make me a Windows user...right?

...its mikey..why do you think we had blue screens of death with leopard.. o.o

If you want to contact Mikey-San, just pipe stdout to /dev/null and begin typing.

(in case this is too odd, look at Mikey's location on any of his posts)

If that is where Mikey-San actually exists...I have to wonder, has he transcended the natural word?

Status: UNCONFIRMED

# It is rumoured that "Chuck Norris" is the username that cyber-entity Mikey-San uses when logging in to meatspace.

Well, if that proves true, it kind of ruins my "who would win in a fight, Mikey-San or Chuck Norris?" question.

no..instead you have mikey/chuk vs duke nukem

I think you guys have probably made Mikey-San's head explode by now.

But that question is easy. You can't nuke nothingness. If you kill Chuck then Mikey just creates a new form! Heck, Mikey would just keep respawning until Duke died from frustration and exhaustion!

(@Anti--yeah, we're getting pretty ridiculous at this point.)

i think we crossed that line as soon as the thread got re-opened