"I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure" - Mark Twain

If you can't lead the intellectuals, then at least lead the perverts. There are far more of them, and most of them are the intellectuals.

I think this was originally an Abe Lincoln quote.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Although without getting all anal about it, I *think* Twain was after Lincoln, but am not 100% certain.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

W. H. Auden

Why, to help me of course!

Lincoln was shot when Twain was 30-years old. He was the first to say it.

He also said the following (which should be part of every primary speech)...

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.”

Wouldn't it be wonderful if that final sentiment surfaced again; if the Presidency was less political (as it was then) than it is today.

Less seriously, from a bumper sticker on my way home tonight.

Wag more, bark less

"I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself"

I don't care who y'are, that's funny!

But if the lawn were aware enough to cut itself, wouldn't that be a sign of a mental illness? If it's not suicide, it's certainly self-mutilation.

credit for that one goes to facebook's bumper sticker app =)
photo

Exactly. emo. ;)

Unfortunately, we are out of control on that slippery slope with no way of stopping it. Like the "Sex Sells" slope that has taken over advertising. Wanted to double hurl at a Kentucky Fried Chicken ad with this voluptuous model caring a box of greasy chicken. Yeah, like a girl like her eats KFC!

Not with her clothes on anyway! :D

Wouldn't want grease on the fab gear!

Whatever happened to the sweet old man on a rocking chair asking you to "try my chicken"?

That Simpsons ad for the catholic church comes to mind.

He died in 1980.

I couldn't find any authoritative source attributing the quote to either party. It was the one Twain quote that I didn't pull directly from a Twain book. Here is a discussion of the quote, which has been attributed to many over the years (This thread is the first instance I've seen of it being attributed to anyone other than Twain). Apparently Bartleby.com doesn't even list the quotation.

I've learned that many quotes of unknown origin are often attributed to Ben Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, or George Carlin. :D This one seems to be one of them.

What? Not Homer Simpson? :D

Doh! I guess I forgot about him. :o