Hayne, my apologies!
I was simply not aware of that.

- ArcticStones

It wasn't even that funny. The chorus of "It's a big ad" was okay, but thats it.

I thought it was funny that there is still a temporance society, and also that no matter what you say, somebody somewhere will be offended. :rolleyes:

Ok now, seriously: Wasn't my joke the funniest?
Come on, my wife says I tell the joke wrong and it's a joke about men always being wrong according to their wives! That's funny, and it's true! :D

Yonder cwtnospam doth protest too much.

Was that a protest?
:D

A joke about my joke: it can't be too funny if it needs explaining. ;)

Forcing a joke down one's throat can really trigger a laughter :p

just kidding..next time do come up with a good one.:)

Two peanuts walk into a bar… One was a salted… (think about it…)

---

A termite walks into a bar… Asks, "Where's the bar tender?"

---

A horse walks into a bar… Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

---

A piece of string walks into a bar, jumps up on a stool and asks for a beer.

The bartender says, "We don't serve string here." The string gets irate and demands that the bartender serves him. The bartender responds, "I told you we don't serve string here. Now, get out!" The string stomps out of the bar…

When he gets outside, out of frustration he starts twisting himself around himself and pulling apart his ends… Finally he calms down and walks back into the bar.

When he gets up on the stool, the bartender approaches and asks, "Say… Aren't you that piece of string I just threw out of here?"

The string looks up at the bartender and says, "Frayed Knot!"

a man walks into a bar....... he says ouch :D

Its the first day at medical school and the head surgeon introduces the class to their corpse for the term.

He announces in a loud voice that the first lesson is to be completely at easy with the corpse, and with that he extends his finger, inserts it into the corpes's rectum, pulls it out and sticks it in his mouth! The first lesson he proclaims!

The students, grimacing, and looking very shocked follow his lead.....

When they are all done the surgeon introduces the second lesson, Observation, he says loudly, you will notice I inserted my index finger into the corpse but licked my middle finger. :D

These two guys ran into a bar.

You would think the second one would have seen it.

This is not really a joke, just a funny story:

The Man From Microsoft

There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Microsoft.
"Not you again," I said.

"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "I guess you know why I'm here."

Indeed I did. Microsoft's $300 million campaign to promote the Windows 95 operating system was meant to be universally effective, to convince every human being on the planet that Windows 95 was an essential, some would say integral, part of living. Problem was, not everyone had bought it. Specifically, I hadn't bought it. I was the Last Human Being Without Windows 95. And now this little man from Microsoft was at my door, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"No," I said.

"You know I can't take that," he said, pulling out a copy of Windows 95 from a briefcase. "Come on. Just one copy. That's all we ask."

"Not interested." I said. "Look, isn't there someone else you can go bother for a while? There's got to be someone else on the planet who doesn't have a copy."

"Well, no," The Microsoft man said. "You're the only one."

"You can't be serious. Not everyone on the planet has a computer," I said. "Hell, not everyone on the planet has a PC! Some people own Macintoshes, which run their own operating system. And some people who have PCs run OS/2, though I hear that's just a rumor. In short, there are some people who just have no use for Windows 95."

The Microsoft man look perplexed. "I'm missing your point," he said.

"Use!" I screamed. "Use! Use! Use! Why BUY it, if you can't USE it?"

"Well, I don't know anything about this 'use' thing you're going on about," The Microsoft man said. "All I know is that according to our records, everyone else on the planet has a copy."

"People without computers?"

"Got 'em."

"Amazonian Indians?"

"We had to get some malaria shots to go in, but yes."

"The Amish."

"Check."

"Oh, come on," I said. "They don't even wear BUTTONS. How did you get them to buy a computer operating system?"

"We told them there were actually 95 very small windows in the box," the Microsoft man admitted. "We sort of lied. Which means we are all going to Hell, every single employee of Microsoft." He was somber for a minute, but then perked right up. "But that's not the point!" he said. "The point is, EVERYONE has a copy. Except you."

"So what?" I said. "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you expect me to do it, too?"

"If we spent $300 million advertising it? Absolutely."

"No."

"Jeez, back to that again," the Microsoft man said. "Hey. I'll tell you what. I'll GIVE you a copy. For free. Just take it and install it on your computer." He waved the box in front of me.

"No," I said again. "No offense, pal. But I don't need it. And frankly, your whole advertising blitz has sort of offended me. I mean, it's a computer operating system! Great. Fine. Swell. Whatever. But you guys are advertising it like it creates world peace or something."

"It did."

"Pardon?"

"World peace. It was part of the original design. Really. One button access. Click on it, poof, end to strife and hunger. Simple."

"So what happened?"

"Well, you know," he said. "It took up a lot of space on the hard drive. We had to decide between it or the Microsoft Network. Anyway, we couldn't figure out how to make a profit off of world peace."

"Go away," I said.

"I can't," he said. "I'll be killed if I fail."

"You have got to be kidding," I said.

"Look," the Microsoft man said, "We sold this to the AMISH. The Amish! Right now, they're opening the boxes and figuring out they've been had. We'll be pitchforked if we ever step into Western Pennsyvania again. But we did it. So to have YOU holding out, well, it's embarassing. It's embarassing to the company. It's embarassing to the product. It's embarassing to BILL."

"Bill Gates does not care about me," I said.

"He's watching right now," the Microsoft man said. "Borrowed one of those military spy satellites just for the purpose. It's also got one of those high-powered lasers. You close that door on me, zap, I'm a pile of grey ash."

"He wouldn't do that," I said, "He might hit that copy of Windows 95 by accident."

"Oh, Bill's gotten pretty good with that laser," the Microsoft man said, nervously. "Okay. I wasn't supposed to do this, but you leave me no choice. If you take this copy of Windows 95, we will reward you handsomely. In fact, we'll give you your own Caribbean island! How does Montserrat sound?"

"Terrible. There's an active volcano there."

"It's only a small one," the Microsoft man said.

"Look," I said, "even if you DID convince me to take that copy of Windows 95, what would you do then? You'd have totally saturated the market. That would be it. No new worlds to conquer. What would you do then?"

The Microsoft man held up another box and gave it to me.

"'Windows 95....For Pets'?!?!?"

"There's a LOT of domestic animals out there," he said.

I shut the door quickly. There was a surprised yelp, the sound of a laser, and then nothing.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to screw in a lightblulb?

None. Microsoft has declared "Darkness" the new standard.

;)

A joke about coloured people
 

.

You Coloured People!

When I was born – I was black.
When I grow up – I am black.
When I am sick – I am black.
When I go in the sun – I am black.
When I am cold – I am black.
When I die – I am black.

But you…
When you are born – you are pink.
When you grow up – you are white.
When you are sick – you turn green.
When you go in the sun – you get red.
When you are cold – you turn blue.
When you die – you turn purple.

And you have the nerve to call me coloured!

I personally find that "joke" extremely offensive. I am niether black, white or any other "colour" or "color" for that mater. Just because it doesn't insult "black" people doesn't make it not racist.

A joke against racism
 

Las Vegas, I can assure you that I am about as far from racist as you can get. I remember first reading this when I attended the university during the tail end of the 1970s – it really made a deep impression. I am sorry you found it offensive.

It is, in fact, a "joke" against racism!

:)

As apparently most racist jokes against caucasians are considered in our PC society. I apologize if I came across too angry. This topic has always been a peeve of mine.

Ten answers to "Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?"
(Taken from www.chickenjoke.com )

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Mark Twain:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

The Sphinx:
You tell me.

Captain Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before!

Bill Gates:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully’s Reply:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens!

Albert Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

How could that joke be racist in the least? It's not putting down anyone. It's pointing out obvious things (yes, I do turn red in the sun and blue when I'm cold, don't you?). And none of those things are in any way insulting. I don't get it.